I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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