I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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