i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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