note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
