In the future we'll all be gay
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
bring money and cleavage
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
