I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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