If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
