Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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