I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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