so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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