There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
