U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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