if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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