pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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