Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
did i walk over a car last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
