I bet he comes in French.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
