If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Farmville is her only friend.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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