Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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