Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
