i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
