i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
