DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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