Christians are straight up FREAKS
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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