You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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