he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
