Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
