I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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