i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
