She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
