my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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