your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
