I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
