"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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