There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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