my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
