My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
