i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
