YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
