I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
