dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
