i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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