This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
