White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
