We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
