While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
