How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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