Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
