I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
