Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
