i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
